katfink

I miss school so much. I can't decide when I should go back. If all were right in the world and I could pay for school, I'd be going back this fall.

Unfortunately, money is tight, so my return will likely be Winter or Spring quarter. Even then, I'll only have six grand or so saved. That is only enough for half a year's tuition. So I will 100% absolutely have to take out a loan. Its depressing that I'll be putting myself in that much debt, but its worth it. I love school.

I still have to pick either Winter or Spring quarter, but in the mean time I am starting to study stuff for my major. I am reviewing my linguistics text and I need to start doing Spanish grammar exercises. When I go back I want to be prepared.

I will be prepared.

I need to not be lazy about writing in my riding lesson journal.

So I fell off Gus at my lesson on Tuesday. Just crappy jumping all around. Lisa told me to not "jump like a roly poly". My last course was decent, but not good like my Friday lesson with Cindy.

Hopefully tomorrow's lesson will be good and my theory of good lesson-crappy lesson-good lesson will continue to hold true.

In other news, I am still being trained in my new job. Its becoming less and less intimidating and I am actually excited to start. My new job title is "Case Investigator", basically I get the files and I call banks/escrow firms/former employers to verify if the data presented at the time of the loan is correct, send the files to field investigators, write reports and just be in charge of all the office-side work with each file I get. Its a big step up from file assembler.

I am not getting a raise (boo) but I get a $25 bonus for every case I complete. Hopefully I'll be completing enough cases to pay for a half lease on a horse. It's great to ride in two lessons a week, I am learning so much. It would just be nice to be able to practice what I learn in those lessons. I would probably improve much faster. My goal is to get my D-3 during the summer, then my C-1 in the winter. I have all my knowledge, I just need to get my riding back and greatly improve my jumping.

Oh, I don't know if I mentioned it here, but Fabian and I got back together. He realised what a dick he was being and we had a long in-depth discussion probing all the issues we've had and how each of us feel. I am very glad we've figured out what's going on. It makes me feel optimistic.

Fabian and I broke up today.

He was just stringing me along and he didn't have the balls to break up with me. I called him on it.

He broke up with me tonight.

I knew it was going nowhere because I was putting all the effort into the relationship. He gave up the second I drove away from our house in Vegas. It hurt so much when the only thing he did to acknowledge my birthday/valentines day was send me a text saying "Happy Birthday". No "I love you". No phone call. I even asked him to do a videochat session and he refused. Due to his blatant disinterest, I asked him the day after my birthday if he wanted to break up. He told me he did not; I guess he was just trying to convince himself and needed a couple of weeks to contemplate it.

I am glad he is no longer just keeping me as an afterthought. I have no patience to be strung along. That doesn't make the hole in my life any smaller though. I lost my best friend. Sometimes, I get the impression that he was my only friend. I feel so alone now.

Today I was offered an 8 yo Morgan greenbean to own and train. As in, offered a horse, free and clear. My own fuzzy little pony.

Too bad I can't afford board and expenses on a horse right now. Otherwise, he'd be my first training project.

Now that I have been riding horses again, I want to set up some goals for myself to be achieved in the year. I think they're all perfectly attainable as long as I am consistent and dedicated.

1. Get my D-3 in pony club

2. Ride Beginner Novice at an event

3. Get one (1) blue ribbon

4. Train first level dressage

Hopefully, I will have a riding lesson tomorrow. Its been a year and a half since I rode with any regularity.

Horses are good therapy.

I danced tango tonight for the first time in nine months. I love it. I can't remember why I stopped.

I am currently knitting the monteagle bag by mason dixon knitting.  Its been pretty awesome and fun so far, and I have been able to troubleshoot all my other problems up until this point.  I am on row 15, the horizontal stitch.  I follow the directions to the best of my ability, yet the horizontal row is on the wrong side of the work.  It knits up on what would be the inside of the bag, not on the outside, where all could admire its awesomeness.  I read down the pattern, and it doesn't call for flipping it inside out, like my boyfriend suggested might be the problem. 

www.randomhouse.com/crown/pottercraftnews/blog/images/masondixon_bag.pdf

So, I come to you knitting, to help me in my dilemma.  Am I just being dumb?  Am I doing a certain stitch wrong?  Am I missing something obvious?

Thank you very much in advance! :]

It is so goddamn hot here. I moved up north to get away from the heat.  Ugggh unusual hotness.

Update on my life later.